


Shepard behind the Gun

by LittleDragon



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Colonist (Mass Effect), Freeform, Infiltrator (Mass Effect), Mass Effect 1, Multi, Siblings, Sniper Rifles, Sole Survivor (Mass Effect), Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-28
Updated: 2014-04-29
Packaged: 2018-01-21 02:19:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1534025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleDragon/pseuds/LittleDragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rarely talks to the crew, Commander Shepard is rather mysterious to her crew, the only one she really talks to is Joker and he doesn't tell anybody anything. All they ever see of her is a cool-under-fire, calculating and emotionless commander. But who is she behind that? some of the crew wants to know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kaidan

**Author's Note:**

> This story probably doesn't follow the Mass Effect plot very well. So lots of freeform. Also, this is my first fanfic and I'm going to try to get the character's personalities right. No promises, I'm not really skilled in this sort of thing. also, warning! Mass Effect is a shooting game, therefor there is violence. If your not okay with this then my fanfic isn't right for you.

Kaidan-  
He bit his tongue and rubbed the side of his jaw. It was starting to get annoying. He hardly knew the commander and he's been working with her for a few missions now. Now, Kaidan knew that you didn't get to know everything about someone by just a few missions but he literally knew, nothing. She seemed Emotionless, He couldn't see past the wall she kept between herself and everyone else. And it was starting to annoy him. He set his jaw and let his hand fall to his side. On Eden prime he got to close to the prothean beacon. Still silently cursing himself he replayed that moment in his head. Ash was next to him and both of them were gawking at the beacon, it had a strange greenish glow surrounding it. "It wasn't doing anything like that when they dug it up." Ash stated. He didn't look at her. All he could do was stare at the beacon. It seemed to be drawing him. "fascinating." he said under his breath. He barely heard the voice of the commander behind him asking the Normandy to come in. That was another annoying thing, now that he thought about it. Her voice was always a calm, cool tone. Never had a flicker of emotion in it. He was starting to wonder if she would change her tone if a mad krogan came charging at her. Probably not, he thought bitterly. He took a few steps towards the beacon. Then, it pulled. Out of no where it was like hooks being set in his back, dragging him closer to the beacon. Panic set in his throat. He fought back but he couldn't fight something that wasn't there. Suddenly he felt something at his back. Jerking his head over he saw the light golden hair of the commander. Not a blonde, but a really light brown. Her hair moved as she started dragging him back. He saw the dark brown eyes, like dark chocolate, still seemingly unaffected by her dragging the lieutenant away from a lit up prothean beacon that was dragging him closer with invisible hands. Nope, she wouldn't have any reaction to the charging krogan he decided. With surprisingly strong arms she threw him off to the side. He tumbled over and Ash was on him in a second. "Lieutenant!" she yelled over the sudden noise of the prothean beacon. It made a strange noise, like metal against metal grinding against each other. It hurt his ears. When his senses finally refocused he immediately looked over to see the commander being dragged away. "Commander!" he yelled and reached out to her. Ash grabbed his arm and was on his back keeping him from charging off. "No! It's too dangerous!" she yelled into his ear. Shepard's feet left the ground and she floated. Noises changed from the beacon, it almost sounded like it was screaming. Then, an explosion. Shepard flew back and landed with a hard thud. "Shepard!" He yelled and ran over. Getting on one knee he checked her pulse and breathing rate. Both were steady, but fast. Ashley ran over to his side and her hand went up to her helmet. "Normandy! We need a medic! NOW!" she barked.   
Kaidan and Ashley waited in the med. Room for Shepard to wake up. Dr. Chakwas glared at them. "You both are like cats waiting for your next meal." she grumbled. Watching as Ashley paced to the door and then back again. "yea, possibly because commander here decided to get caught in a blast of a prothean beacon after being lifted three feet into the air. If we are cats then she owes us one heck of a meal" Ash growled. Kaidan rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. Staring at the commander. Then he noticed she moved her head. "wait, Doctor! Doctor Chakwas! I think she's waking up." Ashley stated. Suddenly worry flashed over her face. Kaidan looked at the commander as she slowly brought herself into sitting position. "ah, Commander. Back with the living I see, how are you feeling?" the doctor asked. All three pairs of eyes were glued to the commander for her response. She shifted her wait as she sat up straight. As if she was still in marine training. Rolling her neck back she winced, then rolled her arm earning another wince. "I feel fine. How long was I out?" she answered. There was that voice again. "Fifteen hours," the doctor responded. Instantly he knew that she was thinking about everything that she might have missed that was important on the fifteen hour nap. "you seem fine, but an increase in your rapid eye movement typically told with dreaming. Were you dreaming, Commander?" Dr. Chakwas asked. Shepard pushed some of her golden hair behind her ear, suddenly showing those dark chocolate eyes again. "Sort of. Possibly a vision from that Prothean beacon. It was complex, to rapid. I'm not exactly sure. just flashes now." she answered. "Hmm. I should probably add that to my report. oh, Captain Anderson." Dr. Chakwas said looking past Shepard. Anderson took a few more steps into the room, still silent. His eyes were on Shepard. "How's our XO holding up doc?" he asked glancing at Chakwas. "I think she's as good as she usually is, if that gives you any say." the doctor mumbled. "I see, I need to talk to the Commander, in private." he added the last part after a longer pause. "Of course captain." Kaidan snapped a quick salute followed by Ash. He opened his mouth to speak but Ash spoke up first. "I'll be in the mess if you need me commander." She said and walked off. He closed his mouth again. Well, now he couldn't be in the mess without looking odd.   
With a Sigh Kaidan nodded. Eden prime was clearly a success. Dead spectre, busted beacon, and all to show for it was a odd flash of images, or so the commander told. He let his head fall back. Well, he thought. How's she planning to deal with the council on this one?   
The Med. Bay's doors opened and Shepard walked out. Soon to be flagged down by Ash. Kaidan set his jaw again watching the girls out of the corner of his eye. It was obvious when Ash looked down that she was looking for support. That made Kaidan suppress a snort. Shepard? That's who she looked to for support? no offence to Ash but Shepard didn't seem the supportive person. He heard them raise their voices slightly over the conversation that started at the Mess' tables so he caught a bit of their conversation.   
"...but to see your whole unit wiped out-" now that actually did make Kaidan snort. He sighed feeling sorry for the losses of the men. It was always hard to get over the lost. He shook his head slightly. If Ash thought she knew anything about loss now, then she was easily mistaken. He knew part of Shepard's history. She was there on Akuze, the lone survivor of an impossible-to-survive time. Fifty-one marines died on that mission. Shepard was the only one that lived. Kaidan sighed again as the girls parted. He spared a glance and was shocked. Ash was smiling. Wait, so Shepard actually did give support? he blinked rapidly. That was something he was not expecting. He looked over to see the commander walk straight to the cockpit where Joker was piloting like a pro. He shook his head again. Wierd, that was one of the many, many words that came to mind when he thought of the commander.


	2. To the Citadel! Recruiting part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, Now we start on Shepard recruiting! YAY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I didn't get any feedback on my last chapter but thats okay. As long as it's being read, right? anyway, I'm going to try to add some humor in the next few chapters. Shepard's going to start recruiting the team and well, we'll see what happens. oh, and SPOILERS! if you haven't recruited people. Just saying. Also, Last chapter I was really trying to stay on track of what actually happened in the game. However, I'm too lazy to get up and start the game again to hear the exact words all the characters say, so, More freeform in this one!   
> Disclaimer: I still do not own any of the characters of Mass Effect. If I did, I would be having a LOT of fun.

Ashley-

Ashley marched right up to the cockpit in the front of the Normandy determined to get some answers. Her jaw tensed, after Eden Prime it was shocking to see the Commander actually be nice. Unfortunately, it also reminded her that she knows next to nothing about the commander. With a sigh she walked into the dark room and nearly rammed right into Kaidan. Startled, she did a quick side step. What the heck is he doing here? she wondered staring at the tan man. He was standing straight with his arms behind his back looking out of the window that Joker was looking out of. She blinked for a second and looked outside. Large metal arms reached out into a star shape surrounded by the colors of space. Wait, we're already at the citadel? Cursing herself quietly for being to slow she looked out the window closest to her. Her jaw nearly dropped to the floor. She quickly walked to it almost breaking into a run. She didn't notice the commander walked in until she was right next to Ash. Ash blinked looking at the commander in the corner of her eye. She seemed to be studying the massive ship outside. Blinking again, she noticed that there was no communication in the room. "--Size isn't everything." Ash barely caught the last part of Joker's sentence. Seems like Kaidan was chatting him up. "Why so touchy Joker?" She couldn't help but ask, smirking as she glanced at the pilot before looking back at the huge ship. It had an egg-shaped core that glowed a bright blue and was much larger then any other ships that could possibly board the citadel. It's large metal sides curved up into what looked slightly like wings. It slowly turned and she caught a glimpse of the massive engines behind that thing. "Look at that monster! It's main gun could rip through any barriers on the alliance fleet!" She nearly squealed. Joker muttered under his breath at her words and contacted the Citadel.   
Looking back at where the commander used to be she saw only air remained. She looked over the room to see that somehow, silently and like a shadow she somehow got to Joker's side watching them come in for boarding. Dodging all the much larger ships, something came to Ash's mind that made her smirk. Normandy was probably one of the smallest ships in the fleet, no matter how advanced and no matter how much that stuck up expert pilot wouldn't like to admit size DID matter. Shaking her head she walked over to Kaidan watching them dock. Large clamps made a hissing noise before securely stamping onto the Normandy's wings. "Alright, enough sight seeing. Kaidan, Ash, get to the airlock we're going on." Shepard stated before turning sharply to walk out of the cockpit. "See ya commander!" Joker yelled over his shoulder at the back of the commander. He chuckled lightly shaking his head. "Are you actually friends with the commander?" Kaidan asked. His voice said he was a tad bit jealous of the pilot, it was because of the casual goodbye, Ash decided. "Yea, I've known her for longer than you guys have, that's for sure. Why? Getting a cruuuuusshh?" Joker asked grinning at himself for making the last word longer. He even broke out into a laugh when the Lieutenant's face got a blush. "What? No! no no no! Why would you- actually never mind." Kaidan stuttered before walking out faster than Ash's seen him move in the battlefield. Laughing along with Joker she followed him out, at a slower pace. "I think you're right about that one Joker!" she called over her shoulder. "Yea, I'm a good mind reader like that." He responded. Both of them chuckled before Ash went down to the cargo deck to suit up. On the elevator ride back up, it suddenly stopped before it went all the way. Frowning she looked at the button. No, she didn't press 'cargo bay' well, then why is she still here? the doors opened and Shepard hopped in, standing next to Ash.   
Pressing the button again Shepard looked at the closing doors. "Oh, uh, hey, commander." Ash stuttered. Shepard glanced over her shoulder at Ash, watching her with one brown eye. "Hello, Ash." She said simply and the elevator moved slowly up. Suddenly, Ash wasn't thankful for the long ride up, giving her a last-minute break. "Ash?" Shepard's voice cut through Ash's thought. "Hmm?" blinking she realized that she was staring at the commander who was already out of the open door. "are you planning to stay there?" Shepard asked still watching her. Cursing herself silently Ash walked quickly off of the ridiculously slow elevator and marched past Shepard. "Shore party detached, XO Pressly has the deck." Normandy stated from the airlock as they all walked out. Without even taking a moment of pause Shepard marched right on by the docking area, easily dodging a few turians along the way. Kaidan held up the right side while Ash held up the left.  
"A complete failure! Shepard! What do you have to say for yourself?!" the ambassador roared after a surprisingly short video call with the council. Ash shook her head and looked over at Kaidan. He looked at her and rolled his eyes in agreement. Smirking she looked back over the edge onto the giant lake that was held near Udina's office. Artificial sunlight, heat, air conditioning, and then, a lake. Wow, these guys really do spend tax payers' money. "As was in my report, ambassador, Eden prime was over run by geth, Nihlus ran out ahead to the point where I didn't have time to save him because I was busy saving Ashley and a few remaining Colonists. Saren must have activated the beacon while we weren't there, then Kaidan got to close and I had to take him out of the way. None of these things are my fault Ambassador, So I suggest you calm down before your face gets any redder." Shepard stated coolly, she turned around to see Udina blink rapidly. Ash barely was able to suppress a smile. Good, show that politician where he belongs.  
"I- but- you-" Udina stuttered trying to find that rage that was in him just a second ago. Ash glanced at Kaidan who looked like he was about to burst out laughing. Allowing herself a smirk, she looked back. Udina threw his hands in the air. "I give up, Shepard. Yet, the council blames you, and because you are a human, I HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT!" he shouted the last part. Something on Shepard's face must have took out that anger again. He let out a breath staring at her face and grumbled defeat. "Well, I'm thinking that the council will like to see us after that one. We should probably go to the embassy." Shepard stated. No relishing the victory skipper? Ash thought. Almost as if she could read Ash's mind she glanced over and lightly shook her head. In utter shock Ash just stared, wait, that was probably just her shaking her head at kaidan, right? No way she read my mind. Glancing at Kaidan, sure enough his head was down and rubbing the back of his neck. He must have done something when I wasn't looking, she thought. Nodding to herself she started to follow the commander. Shepard walked past the tables and the doors slid open easy enough. Shaking her head she chuckled lightly. Earning a sideways glance from Kaidan. She shrugged her shoulders as they marched off to the council.

They marched up some steps looking around at the perfection of the embassy in awe. "You know, I bet all these stairs aren't just for show. They'd make for good defensive positions if the citadel was ever attacked." She noted out loud. "True, I think they mean the council's power more. All the steps to see their greatness? makes your head spin if you think about it too much." Kaidan answered. She shook her head, Council making all these stairs out of ego? actually, that might be a possibility. Still though, She liked her idea better. Turning back around she saw two turians looking at one another in a clear argument. Shepard walked on right to them. Ashley frowned, we aren't really going to get in a turian argument, are we? oh, yup, we are. She growled lightly at Shepard for still walking right up to the turians. Shaking her head slightly, She never liked aliens, probably never will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey anybody who's reading this! Please give some feedback! It helps me think of what to write. Anything you guys think I should add I'd be happy to figure out a way to add it. I didn't do so good on the humor part of it though, oh well. Maybe a few of Ash's thoughts were amusing to some of you.


	3. To the Citadel! Recruiting part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't been getting much feedback from you all but that's okay. Thank you for reading anyway! oh, quick question though, Do I put too many words into the chapters? I know it's weird but some people like short stories rather than long ones right? So, just curious. If you can answer me that I'd really appreciate it! Also, YOU ALL ARE SAVED! I found a way to do freeform and still be close to the actual thing that the characters said. It's called... INTERNET. so smart.  
> Disclaimer: I STILL do not own Bioware, Sad.

Garrus-

Anger surged up inside me but I kept it under control. Instead I funneled it into my eyes shooting daggers at the turian standing in front of me. "Saren's Hiding something! give me more time! stall them!" Okay, maybe I didn't have my anger under complete control. My voice came out almost like a plea. But I didn't lie. I knew I was onto a lead, It's just thanks to this executor that I didn't get enough time for all my hard work to be shown. "stall the council? don't be ridiculous, your investigation is over. Garrus." the Executor snorted and spat the words at me. I nearly hissed at him. He turned around and walked off, looking as if he just stole some baby human's candy. Speaking of, I sniffed the air and smelled human. It didn't smell like usual humans, they usually smelled like flowers or that strange stuff they put in their fringe, or, what did they call it, HAIR! that was it. Instead this person smelled like the outside, not the stench of a battle field, nor the stroll in the flower infested fields but, more like a stroll through the forest after a rainy day. I turned around slowly to see who this person was. I stood there for a few seconds.  
Human, Female, she was being followed by two other humans. Both of their eyes were on me like I'd start attacking them at the spur of the moment. That's not unusual. Looking back at the leading human, my jaw almost dropped. Managing to keep it from hitting the floor, but failing slightly. My mandibles fluttered in surprise. Commander Shepard, a living legend. She was watching me, seemingly doing the same. Studying my face, marks, and overall giving me a scan before deciding that I wasn't the type that would pull out a shotgun and fire. I cleared my throat silently, of all the human's with her type of reputation I always thought they would have their head in the clouds. She didn't seem like that at all. Slowly I turned to face her fully. Still cautious, I couldn't tell what she was thinking. "Commander Shepard? Garrus Vakarian. I was the officer at C-sec investigation into Saren." I blinked. Wait, why did I tell Shepard that I was in C-sec? well, too late now. She regarded me carefully. I could see it in the way she was standing, standing tall with her head straight, not looking down from the bridge of her nose like some of the higher ranks do. "I was on Eden prime, I asked for the investigation. Is there a reason your still backing up a seemingly already dead case?" she asked plainly. Her voice didn't have any of those weird pitch issues that a lot of other humans seemed to have. Most human's voices moved a lot while they were talking. They blamed it on emotions.  
I blinked again, thinking of what I should say. Wow, I'm not usually this caught off guard. I growled at myself quietly, why was I tripping up so much? "Saren's a spectre, most of his activities are classified. I couldn't find anything solid, But I know he's up to something! Like you humans say, I feel it in my gut." I stated. Crossing my arms over my chest I watched her. "I understand. Spectres classify anything that they believe might ruin their reputation. I know he's up to something, after Eden prime, that is." She said casually, looking past me at someone. I watched her, she didn't seem to do what most humans did. Focusing completely on who they were socializing with, in fact she seemed to take in her surroundings even more when she was talking. "I think the council is waiting for us commander." the human male said at her side. His words were a little harsh, he glared at me for a second before looking at the commander. I looked back at her too, to see she was looking at me. "I didn't forget about the council Kaidan." she stated. To my surprise she did the turian salute. I blinked and responded with the human's salute. She had the faintest smile on her face at that. "Good luck, Shepard, maybe they'll listen to you." She walked off without giving me another glance. But I kept watching her until she was out of sight. "huh." I mumbled. She was definitely not the most readable human in the galaxy, that was for sure. 

\------- Later  
I pulled the pistol out of it's holder and kept it firm in my hand. Silent but quickly I went over to the edge of the wall, ready to shoot the thugs who were messing with the nice doctor. "I didn't tell anyone! I swear!" She cried, fear came off of her like a stench. "that was smart doc. Now if Garrus comes around you stay smart or we'll-" Suddenly the doors opened with the familiar hiss against the ground. "wait, Who are you?!" The thug shouted and grabbed the Doctor, his pistol pointed directly at the newcomer. I whirled around only to see Shepard. In almost a blur of motion she pulled out her sniper rifle, and aimed. I took the distraction and went around the wall aiming at the thug, a boom went through the air only for the thug to fly back. I blinked rapidly, wait, that was an impossible shot. I took the risk to cast a glance at Shepard, but she was no where to be found. I blinked again and looked around, she'd already switched the pistol and somehow glided over the little room's divider. Shooting one right in between the eyes she slid into cover as the third set a rapid fire. Suddenly, I realized that I haven't even fired one round. Growling at myself I darted back into cover and came out, firing at one of the thugs. The sudden distraction of me joining the fight let Shepard get the second she needed. She came out of her cover in one swift movement before rapid firing two shots into the remaining thug's heads.  
With a quick flick of her wrist the gun was back in it's rightful place. She turned to face me, no exited faces like most people had after a fight. Then I realized she wasn't looking at me, she was looking behind me. I turned to see her two comrades just then entering the doors. I blinked, really? they just now got here? "Commander! there you are! we lost you after you went out of the quick-travel shuttle I-" the male human rambled until he saw the bodies. "Oh... We missed a fight then, Skipper?" the female human asked from behind. "Yes, you did." was all Shepard said. She turned to face me. "Good shooting there." she stated. Wait, was she suddenly testing me? or, was that a compliment? she really doesn't have enough pitch difference. "I didn't do anything, just watching you work." I lied. It was the only way I felt that I could keep my dignity in tact after failing to aid her fight. "Dr. Michel, are you hurt?" I asked, wanting the change the subject so badly I could almost laugh at myself. "yes, I am fine, honestly," she said. Her voice had a slight tremble. She pushed her hand through her red frin- hair. Its hair. Her smell told me otherwise but I didn't comment. She still smelled of adrenaline and fear. "Dr. Michel, I know you might be in shock but I need to know who those men are, who they work for, and what they wanted." Shepard stated what she wanted of the doctor and no more. I have to admit I was impressed. Most humans care to much about each other and will act like parents over children. Instead, Shepard just wanted the information so she was closer to getting the job done. That, was rare, especially in humans. Dr. Michel nervously brought her hands together as she answered. "They worked for Fist, they wanted to shut me up and keep me from telling Garrus about the quarian." She told. "She must be able to link Saren to the geth," I didn't wait to see if Dr. Michel was done. "evidence." the female human following Shepard stated as if she should win a prize. "We need to find Fist and get that information, but first I think we should get that Krogan, he was after Fist too," she said that more to herself than anyone else. "He's probably been brought into C-sec, if you hurry you might be able to catch him." I said hurriedly. Not wanting to hear another obvious thing from the human followers. "alright. Ash, back to the normandy. Kaidan, stay here." she stated her orders easily enough. No large pause of thinking who'd be the better company. "but, Commande-" Ash started. Shepard raised her hand to stop her. "Follow the orders, ash." she stated and glanced my way. "Garrus, I know you're looking to take down Saren. Want to come along?" she asked. I paused for a second. "This is your show Shepard. but I'd be happy to help." I said, and to my own surprise it was the truth. She nodded and turned on her heel to walk out. No welcoming? interesting. I watched her walk out before following. She was one interesting human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL. That's a longer one. Tell me what you think with some feedback! you know, they call it feedback because it feeds the people behind the screen. I eat it for lunch. Just saying. Was the first person view better?

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I did it okay. If you see something your not okay with or you have any suggestions I'd be happy to try my best to fix it or add it. so please give some Feedback!


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